This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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