Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I am naked and annoyed.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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