I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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