giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
