Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
