There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
