just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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