You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
