Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
