you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
