i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
