last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
