I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
