Your dad touched me again.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
NoShamevember. You game?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Bring me that man meat
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
