I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
