Where is the hickey?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
