I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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