it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
