if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
