i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
