both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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