Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
