All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
