Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
