I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
even my farts smell like vagina
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
