so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
