Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
