Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
