yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
