just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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