I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
