this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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