There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm too high and old for this...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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