I should be sponsored by Trojan
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
