I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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