last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
