I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
