These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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