I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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