OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
