HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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