I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
