Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
