So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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