drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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