Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
