Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
