I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
