i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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