At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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