so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
it's like iHOP with fire
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
