You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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