I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
