Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
